Feel like a woman

 From my email:

As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."

She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"

A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".

 

Sunday, September 27, 2026

votive \ VOH-tiv \ , adjective; 

1. offered, given, dedicated, etc., in accordance with a vow: a votive offering . 
2. performed, undertaken, etc., in consequence of a vow. 
3. of the nature of or expressive of a wish or desire. 

Origin: Votive shares a root with the word vote in the Latin term vōtum meaning "vow." Votive entered English around 1600.  

corn packer

1. A farm worker tasked with picking and packing corn.
2. Alternatively: A derogatory term for a gay Iowan.

"Corn packer is a derogatory term for a gay Iowan." - Stephen Colbert at House Judiciary Subcommittee hearing on Immigration, Citizenship and Border Security

 

History

• Society of Jesus: the Jesuits' order was chartered by Pope Paul III (1540)
• Locomotion No. 1: steam-powered locomotive hauled its first passenger train on England's Stockton and Darlington line (1825)
• Warren Commission: government investigative team concluded that Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone in assassinating President John F. Kennedy (1964)
• NC-17: rating for adult-oriented films was introduced by the MPAA (1990)
• Taliban: a group of Islamic religious students captured Afghanistan's capital, Kabul (1996)

Birthdays

• George Cruikshank 1792
• Thomas Nast 1840 - Political cartoonist that created the Republican elephant and the Democrat donkey
• Vincent Youmans 1898
• Jayne Meadows 1920
• William Conrad 1920
• Arthur Penn 1922
• Sada Thompson 1929
• Kathleen Nolan 1933
• Greg Morris 1934
• Barbara Howar 1934
• Claude Jarman Jr. 1934
  

  
• Wilford Brimley 1934
• Don Cornelius 1936
• Delores Taylor 1939
• Kathy Whitworth 1939
• Don Nix 1941
• Randy Bachman (Guess Who, Bachman-Turner Overdrive) 1943
• Liz Torres 1947
• A Martinez 1948
• Robert Weller 1949
• Mike Schmidt 1949
• Cary-Hiroyuki Tagaw 1950
• Meat Loaf (Marvin Lee Aday) 1951 
• Greg Ham (Men at Work) 1953
• Johnette Napolitano (Concrete Blonde) 1957
• Shaun Cassidy 1958
• Stephan Jenkins (Third Eye Blind) 1964
• Patrick Muldoon 1968
• Mark Calderon (Color Me Badd) 1970
• Amanda Detmer 1971
• Gwyneth Paltrow 1972
• Brad Arnold (3 Doors Down) 1978
• Lil Wayne 1982 
• Avril Lavigne 1984
  Jenna Ortega 2002 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  

Shrink vs Bartender

From my email:

Ever since I was a child, I've always had a fear of someone under my bed at night.

So I went to a shrink and told him, "I've got problems. Every time I go to bed I think there's somebody under it. I'm scared and I think I'm going crazy.”

"Just put yourself in my hands for one year," said the shrink. "

Come in and talk to me three times a week and we should be able to get rid of those fears."

“How much do you charge?”

"Eighty dollars per visit", replied the doctor.

"I'll sleep on it", I said.

Six months later the doctor met me on the street. "Why didn't you come to see me about those fears you were having?" he asked.

"Well, eighty bucks a visit, three times a week for a year is $12,480.00. A bartender cured me for $10.00. I was so happy to have saved all that money that I went and bought me a new pickup truck."

"Is that so?" With a bit of an attitude, he said, "and how, may I ask, did a bartender cure you?”

"He told me to cut the legs off the bed. Ain't nobody under there now!”

FORGET THE SHRINKS, HAVE A DRINK AND TALK TO A BARTENDER! ITS ALWAYS BETTER TO GET A SECOND OPINION!

  

 

  

Saturday, September 26, 2026

Ameslan \ AM-uh-slan, AM-slan \ , noun; 

• American Sign Language. 

Origin: Ameslan is an acronym formed from the first element of each word in American Sign Language . It came into popular usage in the early 1970s.

mistext

1. A text message containing information (usually unflattering or damaging) about a third party which is sent to the individual it concerns rather than the person for whom the communication is intended.
2. Text written for secret lover is inadvertently sent to partner, making it a mistext.

"On my way home, [partner name] suspicious, don't call."

 

History

• Sir Francis Drake: arrived in Plymouth aboard the Golden Hind, completing his circumnavigation of the globe (1580)
• Thomas Jefferson: was named America's first secretary of state; John Jay was the first chief justice (1789)
• Federal Trade Commission: agency whose aim is to protect consumers and guard against harmful business practices was founded (1914)
• Abbey Road: the last Beatles album to be recorded was released in the UK (1969); Let It Be was the last of the Fab Four's albums to be released (1970)
• Biosphere 2: eight people, four men and four women, entered a sealed complex in Oracle, Arizona, for an experiment in self-sustained living; they exited two hungry years later on the same date (1991)

Birthdays

• John Chapman (Johnny Appleseed) 1774
• T.S. Eliot 1888
• George Raft 1895
• George Gershwin 1898
• Ted Weems 1901

• Jack LaLanne 1914
• Barbara Britton 1919
• Bobby Shantz 1925
• Marty Robbins 1925
• Julie London 1926
• Patrick O'Neal 1927
• Philip Bosco 1930
• Joyce Jameson 1932
• Winnie Mandela 1934
• Donna Douglas 1939
• George Chambers (The Chambers Brothers) 1931
• David Frizzell 1941
• Joe Bauer (The Youngbloods) 1941
• Kent McCord 1942
• Anne Robinson 1944
• Bryan Ferry 1945
• Christine Todd Whitman 1946
• Lynn Anderson 1947
• Mary Beth Hurt 1948
• Olivia Newton-John 1948
• James Keane 1952
• Gary Howatt 1952
• Cesar Rosas (Los Lobos) 1954
• Craig Chaquico (Jefferson Starship) 1954
• Carlene Carter 1955
• Linda Hamilton 1956
• Doug Supernaw 1960
• Tracy Thorn 1962
• Patrick Bristow 1962
• Melissa Sue Anderson 1962
• Tracey Thorn (Everything But The Girl) 1962
• Cindy Herron (En Vogue) 1965
• David Schelzel (Ocean Blue) 1967
• Shannon Hoon (Blind Melon) 1967
• Jim Caviezel 1968
• Sheri Moon Zombie 1970
• Shawn Stockman (Boyz II Men) 1972
• Nicholas Payton 1973
• Mark Famiglietti 1979
• Serena Williams 1981
• Shamu 1985

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  

Rock out for Lucia's berfday!

KMFDM

Professional Killer

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u6mlLsxhrIE

 

 Conquer your world
Study you quietly
Count the ways
I'll do anything you say
There will be no holding back
Legions of me

So cruel
Longing eternally
Bitter sweet possibilities
A tiger on the attack
Ready to bleed

Tragically yours
Obey and submit to me
I will find you
Wherever you hide
Got a thrill for the hunt
A skilled criminal mind

So calm
Tracking your every move
Unrelenting my conscious clear
Beyond a shadow of doubt
A force to be feared

Wretched and pure
Tricky and dangerous
Do not question
Or challenge your fate
A promise written in blood
Take life for pay

Yours is not to ask why
Yours is to do and die
Professional killer

 

WTF: I'm outta here

Look out weekend!

Here I come!

Friday, September 25, 2026

cacography \ kuh-KOG-ruh-fee \ , noun; 

1. poor penmanship; bad handwriting. 
2. incorrect spelling.

Origin: Cacography joins caco- , from the Greek term kakόs meaning "bad," with -graphy , a combining form used to refer to a process or form of writing, drawing, recording or representing. It entered English in the mid-1500s. 

you must be fun at parties

• A sarcastic phrase used to point out someone's pessimism or inability to enjoy positive situations.

Will: Although I congratulate Joel Comm's success, I want everyone else to realize that this will never happen to you and you will probably die poor and alone. 

Me: You must be fun at parties.

 

Holiday

• Dolly Parton Day (9-2-5) 

 

History 

• Pacific Ocean: was first seen by Europeans when Vasco Núñez de Balboa and his Spanish crew crossed the Isthmus of Panama (1513)
• polygamy: Mormon practice was renounced by Wilford Woodruff, the president of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (1890)
• Little Rock Nine: in a step for racial integration, black students entered a segregated Arkansas high school, protected by federal troops and over the protests of the state's governor (1957)
• Sandra Day O'Connor: became the first woman to be sworn into the US Supreme Court (1981)

Birthdays

• William Faulkner 1897
• Red Smith 1905
• Johnny Sain 1917
• Phil Rizzuto 1918
• Aldo Ray (daRe) 1926
• Barbara Walters 1931
• Glenn Gould 1932
• Ian Tyson (Ian and Sylvia) 1933
• Erik Darling (The Tarriers, Rooftop Singers) 1933
• Juliet Prowse 1936
• Roosevelt "Booba" Barnes 1936
• Joe Russel (The Persuasions) 1939
• Oscar Bonavena 1942
• Robert Walden 1943
• Gary Alexander (The Association) 1943
• Michael Douglas 1944
• Onnie McIntyre (Average White Band) 1945
• Chery Tiegs 1947
• Mimi Kennedy 1949
• Anson Williams 1949
• Mark Hamill 1951
• Colin Friels 1952
• Christopher Reeve 1952
• John Locke (Spirit) 1953


• Steve Severin (Siouxsie & The Banshees) 1955
• Michael Madsen 1958
• Heather Locklear 1961
• Aida Turturro 1962
• Scottie Pippen 1965
• Will Smith (HanCuck) 1968
• Catherine Zeta-Jones 1969
• Bridgette Wilson 1973
• Chris Owen 1980
• Diana Ortiz 1985