The Salesman

A young guy from Ohio moves to Florida and goes to a big 'everything under one roof' department store looking for a job.

The Manager says, 'Do you have any sales experience?'

The kid says 'Yeah. I was a salesman back in Ohio'

Well, the boss liked the kid and gave him the job. 'You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did.'

His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down, 'How many customers bought something from you today?

The kid says 'one'.

The boss says 'Just one? Our sales people average 20 to 30 customers a day.

How much was the sale for?'

The kid says '$101,237.65'

The boss says '$101,237.65? What the heck did you sell?'

The kid says, 'First, I sold him a small fish hook. Then I sold him a medium fishhook. Then I sold him a larger fishhook. Then I sold him a new fishing rod. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4x4 Expedition.'

The boss said 'A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a BOAT and a TRUCK?'

The kid said 'No, the guy came in here to buy Tampons for his wife, and I said, 'Dude, your weekend's shot, you should go fishing........'

Sunday, April 19, 2026

bedash \ bih-DASH \ , verb; 

1. to dash or spatter (something) all over: to bedash a salad with pepper . 
2. to dash or strike against: windows bedashed with rain . 
3. to demolish or ruin; obliterate: His dreams of glory were quickly bedashed . 

Origin: Bedash entered English in the mid-1500s. It is a combination of the prefix be- , which was used in Old English in the formation of verbs, and the root dash , meaning "to apply roughly."

cock itch

• Troublesome condition that occurs in males from not shaving their genitals with a good razor or from not doing an adequate job of shaving do to fear of getting a dick nick or ball scrape. Takes a few days to show but usually only lasts 2 to 4 days.

He cleaned up for Friday night but by Monday morning he had cock itch.

History

• "shot heard 'round the world": was fired, starting the American Revolution (1775)
• Warsaw Ghetto Uprising: the Jews began an armed resistance against the Nazis (1943)
• "Old soldiers never die; they just fade away": General Douglas MacArthur bid farewell to Congress (1951)
• The Simpsons: the animated dysfunctional family debuted on The Tracy Ullman Show (1987)
• Oklahoma City Bombing: truck bomb exploded outside the Alfred P. Murrah Federal Building, killing 168 (1995)

Birthdays

• David Ricardo 1772 - Economist, author
• Ole Evinrude 1877
• Eliot Ness 1903
• Tommy Benford 1905 - Musician (Jelly Roll Morton’s Red Hot Peppers)
• Frank Fontaine 1920
• Kenneth Battelle 1927
• Don Barbour 1927 - Singer (The Four Freshmen)
• Alexis Korner 1928 - Musician, singer
• Hugh O'Brian 1930 - Actor ("The Life and Legend of Wyatt Earp")
• Alex Webster 1931 - Football player
• Jayne Mansfield (Vera Jane Palmer) 1932 - Actress ("It Takes a Thief")
• Dick Sargent 1933 - Actor ("Bewitched", "Fantasy Island")
• Dickie Goodman (Richard Dorian Goodman) 1934 - Entertainer (Buchanan and Goodman)
• Dudley Moore 1935 - Actor ("Arthur", "Bedazzled")
• Wilfried Martens 1936 - Belgium Prime Minister
• Elinor Donahue 1937 - Actress ("Father Knows Best", "The Andy Griffith Show", "Pretty Woman")
• Bobby Russell 1941
• Alan Price 1942 - Musician (Alan Price Combo, The Animals)
• Larry (Hilario) Ramos Jr. 1942 - Musician, singer (The Association)
• Czeslaw Bartkowski 1943 - Jazz composer, musician
• Eve Graham 1943 - Musician (The New Seekers)
• Mark "Flo" Volman 1944 - Musician (Crossfires, Phlorescent Leech and Eddy, Turtles, Nightriders)
• Tim Curry 1946 - Actor ("Stephen King’s It", "Rocky Horror Picture Show", "Legend")
• Paloma Picasso 1949
• Lynn Powis 1949 - Hockey player
• Tony Plana 1952 - Actor ("Ugly Betty")
• Sue Barker 1956 - Tennis player
• Paul Mario Day 1956 - Musician (the original lead vocalist of Iron Maiden from 1975 to 1976)
• Al Unser, Jr. 1962
• Suge Knight 1965 - Record company executive (Tha Row)
• Ashley Judd 1968 - Actress
• Bekka Bramlett 1968
• Luis Miguel (Luis Miguel Gallego Basteri) 1970 - Singer
• James Franco 1978 - Actor ("Milk", "Spider-Man")
• Kate Hudson 1979 - Actress
• Hayden Christensen 1981 - Actor ("Life as a House", "Star Wars: Episode II - Attack of the Clones", "Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith")
• Catalina Sandino Moreno 1981 - Actress
• Troy Polamalu 1981 - Football player
• Courtland Mead 1987
• Maria Sharapova 1987 - Tennis player

 

            

 

 

 

  

 

  

Woman-Speak

You might need this if you ever deal with women...

(1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

(3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means 'something' and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.
(4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

(5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)

(6) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

(7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says 'Thanks a lot' - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome' . that will bring on a 'whatever').

(8) Whatever: Is a woman's way of saying FUCK YOU!

(9) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to # 3.

Saturday April 18, 2026

panacea \ pan-uh-SEE-uh \ , noun; 

1. a remedy for all disease or ills; cure-all. 
2. an answer or solution for all problems or difficulties: His economic philosophy is a good one, but he tries to use it as a panacea.

Origin: Panacea derives from Greek panakeia , from panakes , "all-healing," from pan- , "all" + akos , "cure."

ash hole

1) the small opening in the volcanic ash clouds that allow airliners to fly through without any chance of danger.

2) the opening at the top of a volcano from which forth spews volcanic ash

We were stranded at Heathrow Airport for hours until the airline found some ash hole to fly through.

History

• San Francisco earthquake: ignited an inferno, killing hundreds and reducing the city to shambles (1906)
• washateria: the first laundromat opened, in Fort Worth, Texas (1934)
• Éire: formally withdrew from the British Commonwealth and became the Republic of Ireland (1949)
• London Bridge: the Thames crossing was sold to American Robert T. McCulloch, who later had it rebuilt in Arizona (1968)
• Wayne Gretzky: NHL legend played his last pro hockey game at NYC's Madison Square Garden (1999)

Birthdays

• George Henry Lewes 1817
• Clarence Darrow 1857 - Attorney, famous for his part in the Scopes 'monkey trial'
• Sam (Samuel Earl) Crawford 1880 - Baseball player
• Leopold Stokowski 1882 - Conductor
• Sylvia Fisher 1910
• Tony Mottola 1918 - Guitarist, arranger for Perry Como's TV variety show
• Hal Galper 1938
• Barbara Hale 1922 - Actress ("Perry Mason", "Airport")
• Clarence "Gatemouth" Brown 1924
• Clive Revill 1930 - Actor ("The Sea Wolf", "The Empire Strikes Back")
• James Drury 1934
• Don Ohl 1936 - Basketball player
• Robert Hooks 1937 - Actor ("Star Trek III: The Search for Spock", "Passenger 57")
• Hal Galper 1938 - Jazz pianist (Hal Galper Quintet), author ("The Touring Musician")
• Richie Pettibone 1938 - Football player
• Mike Vickers 1941 - Musician (Manfred Mann)
• Walt Sweeney 1941 - Football player
• Steve Blass 1942 - Baseball player
• Pete Gogolak 1942 - Football player
• Jochen Rindt 1942 - Auto racer
• Hayley Mills 1946 - Actress ("The Parent Trap"), singer
• Alexander "Skip" Spence 1946 - Musician (Moby Grape, Jefferson Airplane)
• James Woods 1947 - Actor ("The Onion Field", "Casino")
• Dorothy Lyman 1947 - Actress ("All My Children")
• Cindy Pickett 1947
• Walt Richmond 1947 - Musician (Tractors)
• Nate Archibald 1948 - Basketball player
• Catherine Malfilano 1948
• Geoff Bodine 1949 - Auto racer
• Rick Moranis 1954 - Actor ("Parenthood", "Ghostbusters" series, "Spaceballs")
• John James 1956 - Actor ("Search for Tomorrow", "As the World Turns")
• Eric Roberts 1956 - Actor ("Doctor Who", "The Coca-Cola Kid"), brother of actress Julia Roberts
• Melody Thomas Scott 1956
• Les Pattinson 1958 - Musician (Echo and the Bunnymen)
• Wilbur Marshall 1962 - Football player
• Jane Leeves 1963 - Actress (TV: "The Benny Hill Show" "Frazier")
• Conan O'Brien 1963 - Television personality ("Late Night with Conan O'Brien")
• Mike Mangini 1963 - Drummer (Dream Theater)
• Eric McCormack 1963
• Maria Bello 1967
• Greg Eklund 1970 - Musician (Everclear)
• Trina 1974 - Singer (Trina and Tamara)
• Mark Thomas Tremonti 1974 - Guitarist (Creed)
• Sean Maguire 1976
• Melissa Joan Hart 1976 - Actress ("Sabrina the Teenage Witch")
• Kourtney Mary Kardashian 1979
• Alia Shawkat 1989 

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Rockin' through RELAYER!

One of my favorite YES songs, from the much maligned album RELAYER...

on Amazon



Yes

To Be Over

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ACDjWeqkimM

We go sailing down the calming streams

Drifting endlessly by the bridge

To be over

We will see

To be over

Do not suffer through the game of chance that plays

Always doors to lock away your dreams

Think it over

Time will heal your fear

Think it over

Balance the thoughts that release within you

Childlike soul dreamer one journey

One to seek and see in ev'ry light do open

True pathways away

Carrying closer go gently

Holding doors will open everyway

You wander true pathways away

After all your soul will still surrender

After all don't doubt your part

Be ready to be loved