Look forward to... Avril?!?!

 

 Avril Lavigne

 

     

 

Hotty of the day 

 

Monday, September 20, 2021

tchotchke \CHOCH-kuh\, noun:

• A trinket; a knickknack.

Tchotchke is from Yiddish tshatshke, "trinket," ultimately of Slavic origin. It is also spelled tsatske. 

 

seat gypsie

• A person or group of people that travel from one unclaimed seat to another (normally at sporting events) because their cheap asses couldn't fork up the money for better seats. Said people are forced to move once seats are claimed by the rightful ticket holders.

Move it seat gypsie, I paid good money for those spots!!

 

History

• Ferdinand Magellan: explorer set sail from southern Spain to circumnavigate the globe (1519)
• Victor Emmanuel II: seized the Papal States from the French; later he became the first king of modern Italy (1870)
• civil rights: Mississippi governor Ross Barnett personally blocked the entrance of African-American James Meredith to the University of Mississippi; Meredith did end up attending (1962)
• Battle of the Sexes tennis match: Billie Jean King won against Bobby Riggs, who had said women couldn't stand the pressure of the game; 30,000 attended and millions watched on TV (1973)

Birthdays

• Upton Sinclair 1878
  
• Ferdinand "Jelly Roll" Morton 1890
• Chuck Dressen 1898
• Elliot Nugent 1899
• Peg Phillips 1918
• Gogi Grant 1924
• James Galanos 1924
• Rachel Roberts 1927
• Johnny Dankworth 1927
• Donald A. Hall 1928
• Dr. Joyce Brothers 1928
• Anne Meara 1929
• Peter Palmer 1931
• Sophia Loren 1934
• John (Chuck) Panozzo (Styx) 1947
• Guy LaFleur 1951
• Charlene Elizabeth Brinkeman (aka Brinke Stevens) 1954
• Peter White 1954
• Betsy Brantley 1955
• Gary Cole 1957
• Alannah Currie (Thompson Twins) 1957
• Crispin Glover 1964
• Kristen Johnston 1965
• Gunnar Nelson 1967
• Matthew Nelson 1967
• Ben Shepherd (Soundgarden) 1968

 

The Welfare Office

From my email:

A woman walks into the downtown welfare office, trailed by 15 kids.

'WOW,' the social worker exclaims, 'are they all yours?"

'Yep, they are all mine,' the flustered momma sighs, having heard that question a thousand times before.

She says, 'Sit down Leroy.' All the children rush to find seats.

Well,' says the social worker, 'then you must be here to sign up. I'll need all your children's names.'

''Well, to keep it simple, the boys are all named Leroy and the girls are all named Leighroy."

In disbelief, the case worker says, 'Are you serious? They're ALL named Leroy?'

Their momma replied, 'Well, yes-it makes it easier. When it's time to get them out of bed and ready for school, I yell, 'Leroy!' An' when it's time for dinner, I just yell 'Leroy!' An they all comes a runnin. An' if I need to stop the kid who's running into the street, I just yell Leroy' and all of them stop. It's the smartest idea I ever had, namin' them all Leroy.'

The social worker thinks this over for a bit, then wrinkles her forehead and says tentatively, 'But what if you just want ONE kid to come, and not the whole bunch?'

'Then I call them by their last names.'

Sunday, September 19, 2021

farrago \fuh-RAH-go; fuh-RAY-go\, noun:

• A confused mixture; an assortment; a medley.

Farrago comes from the Latin farrago, "a mixed fodder for cattle," hence "a medley, a hodgepodge," from far, a sort of grain.

stiff meds

• Stiff Meds are taken to correct erectile dysfunction.
• Also referred to as Stiff Meds or Hard Meds.

Stiff Meds include Viagra, Levitra, and Cialis.

History

• George Washington's farewell address: was printed as an open letter to the American public (1796)
• New Zealand: became the first country to grant women the vote (1893)
• Butch Cassidy: notorious outlaw joined his partner, the Sundance Kid, in robbing their first bank as a duo in Winnemucca, Nevada (1900)
• Juan Perón: Argentina's president was deposed and exiled after a military coup (1955); he lived in exile for two decades and then was reinstated as president
• emoticons: the digital smiley :-) and frowny :-( were proposed by Scott Fahlman (1982)
• Ötzi the Iceman: 5,000-year-old tattooed mummy was discovered near the Austrian-Italian border (1991)

Birthdays

• Jan Luyts 1655
• Henry Brougham 1778
• Leon Jaworski 1905
• Frances Farmer 1910
• Sir William Golding 1911
• Roger Angell 1920
• Billy Ward (Billy Ward and the Dominoes) 1921
• Duke Snider 1926
• Adam West 1928
• Rosemary Harris 1930
• Ray Danton 1931
• Brook Benton 1931
• Mike Royko 1932
• David McCallum 1933
• Brian Epstein 1934
• Nick Massi (The Four Seasons) 1935
• Al Oerter 1936
• Paul Williams 1940
• Sylvia Tyson (Ian and Sylvia) 1940
• Bill Medley (Righteous Brothers) 1940
• Joe Morgan 1943
• "Mama" Cass Elliott (The Mamas and Papas) 1943
  
• Randolph Mantooth 1945
• David Bromberg 1945
• Freda Payne 1945
• John Coghlan (Status Quo) 1946
• Lol Creme (10cc, Godley & Creme) 1947
• Jeremy Irons 1948
• Lesley "Twiggy" Hornby 1949
• Joan Lunden 1951
• Daniel Lanois 1951
• Nile Rodgers (Chic) 1952
• Rex Smith 1956
• Lita Ford 1958
• Kevin Hooks 1958
• Trisha Yearwood 1964
• Jim Abbott 1967
• Espraronza Griffin (Society of Soul) 1969

 

 

  

Seems Legit

 

AMAZINGLY SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES

AMAZINGLY SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES

1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat and presto, the blockage will be almost instantly removed.

2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.

3. You can avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat just by using the sink.

4. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use an egg timer.

5. A mouse trap placed on top of your alarm clock will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.

6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives. Then you will be afraid to cough.

7. Have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb with a hammer and you will forget all about the toothache.

8.Sometimes, we just need to remember what the rules of life really are:

In life, you only need two tools - WD-40 and Duct Tape...
If it doesn't move but should, use the WD-40.
If it should not move and does, use the duct tape.

9. Remember: Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

10. Never pass up an opportunity to go to the bathroom.. 

Thought for the day:SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES..... THEY ARE NOT REALLY GOOD FOR ANYTHING... BUT THEY STILL BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE WHEN YOU PUSH THEM DOWN A FLIGHT OF STAIRS.

Saturday, September 18, 2021

alacrity \uh-LACK-ruh-tee\, noun:

• A cheerful or eager readiness or willingness, often manifested by brisk, lively action or promptness in response.

Alacrity comes from Latin alacritas, from alacer, "lively."
 
shirt mask 

• the part of the shirt located just below the chin one uses to filter foul odors, instinctually used when in uncleanly bathrooms, or after a destructive passing of gas (fart, chemical attack)

1.Duuude.. that truck stop restroom was so narsty i had to use my shirt mask just to take a piss.

2.that fart was so pungent that my shirt mask was the only protection i had

 

History

• Tiffany and Co.: upscale jewelry retailer was founded as a stationery and fancy goods store (1837)
• The New York Times: the "Gray Lady," then known as The New-York Daily Times, published its first issue (1851)
• Jimi Hendrix: influential rock guitarist died, age 27, due to substance abuse (1970)
• 2001 anthrax attacks: began, a week after 9/11, with a mailing from Trenton, New Jersey, to various media sources in New York City (2001)

  

  http://amzn.to/2fcGwtw

Birthdays

• Samuel Johnson 1709
• John Diefenbacker (Canada) 1779
  
• John George Diefenbaker 1895
• Greta Garbo 1905
• Eddie "Rochester" Anderson 1905
• Satchel Leroy Paige 1908
• Ray Geiger 1910
• Syd Howe 1911
• Rossano Brazzi 1916
• Jack Warden 1920
• Harvey Haddix 1925
• Phyllis Kirk 1926
• Teddie King 1929
• Jimmie Rodgers 1933
• Robert Blake 1938
  
• Fred Willard 1939
• Frankie Avalon 1939
• Ken Brett 1948
• Kerry Livgren (Kansas) 1949
• Dee Dee Ramone (The Ramones) 1952
• Holly Robinson Peete 1964
• Ricky Bell (Bell Biv Devoe, New Edition) 1967
• Joanne Catherall (Human League) 1962
• Blas Elias (Slaughter) 1967
• Jada Pinkett 1971
• Lance Armstrong 1971 (cheater)
• Brandon Porter 1993
• Taylor Porter 1993

 

 

Rock out to some DOGMA!

Going to see KMFDM soon. Here's a song I doubt they'd play...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nKhKBNS1fPc

KMFDM

DOGMA

from XTORT / 1996

All we want is a headrush
All we want is to get out of our skin for a while
We have nothing to lose because we don't have anything
Anything we want anyway...
We used to hate people
Now we just make fun of them
It's more effective that way

We don't live
We just scratch on day to day
With nothing but matchbooks and sarcasm in our pockets
And all we are waiting for is for something worth waiting for.
Let's admit America gets the celebrities we deserve
Let's stop saying "Don't quote me" because if no one quotes you
You probably haven't said a thing worth saying.
We need something to kill the pain of all that nothing inside
We all just want to die a little bit

We fear that pop-culture is the only culture we're ever going to have
We want to stop reading magazines
Stop watching T.V.
Stop caring about Hollywood
But we're addicted to the things we hate
We don't run Washington and no one really does
Ask not what you can do for your country
Ask what your country did to you
The only reason you're still alive is because someone
Has decided to let you live
We owe so much money we're not broke we're broken
We're so poor we can't even pay attention
So what do you want?
You want to be famous and rich and happy
But you're terrified you have nothing to offer this world
Nothing to say and no way to say it
But you can say it in three languages
You are more than the sum of what you consume
Desire is not an occupation
You are alternately thrilled and desperate
Skyhigh and fucked
Let's stop praying for someone to save us and start saving ourselves
Let's stop this and start over
Let's go out - let's keep going
This is your life - this is your fucking life
We need something to kill the pain of all that nothing inside
Quit whining you haven't done anything wrong because frankly
You haven't done much of anything
Someone's writing down your mistakes
Someone's documenting your downfall

 

 

WTF Friday: YOLO

 

Friday, September 17, 2021

efficacious \ef-ih-KAY-shuhs\, adjective:

• Capable of having the desired result or effect; effective as a means, measure, remedy, etc.

Efficacious is from Latin efficax, -acis, from efficere, "to effect, to bring about," from ex-, "out" + facere, "to do or make."

 
Imma let you finish 

• Obnoxious way to interrupt someone and steal their moment, while wryly mocking that media train wreck that is Kanye West. Based on West's instantly infamous interruption of Taylor Swift's acceptance speech at the 2009 MTV Video Music Awards for Best Female Video with his insane microphone-stealing shout out to Beyonce.

Bob: Thank you Mr. Brown for having us in to give this sales presentation. We'd like to talk to you today about...

Alfred: Yo, Bob, I'm really happy for you, and Imma let you finish, but I just got to say our product is is one of the best products there is!

History

• United States Constitution: the supreme law of the land was signed at the Constitutional Convention in Philadelphia (1787)
• Norton I: Joshua Abraham Norton, a native Englishman who ended up in San Francisco, declared himself emperor of the United States (1859)
• Battle of Antietam: bloody day — 23,000 killed — of carnage during the American Civil War (1862)
• Lt. Thomas Selfridge: became the first person to die in an airplane crash, in a plane piloted by Orville Wright (1908)
• M*A*S*H: the TV show whose final episode remains the top-viewed program on American TV debuted (1972)

Birthdays

• Ben Turpin 1874
• Andrew Foster 1879
  

  
• J. (John) Marriott 1900
• Esther Ralston 1902
• Dolores Costello 1904
• Chaim Herzog (Israel) 1918
• Hank Williams, Sr. (Hiram King "Hank" Williams) 1923 - Country music performer
• Bill Black 1926
• Brother Jack McDuff 1926
• George Blanda 1927
• Roddy McDowall 1928
• Sil Austin 1929
• Pat Crowley 1929
• Anne Bancroft 1931
• Dorothy Loudon 1933
• Ken Kesey 1935
• Orlando Cepeda 1937
• Paul Benedict 1938
• LaMonte McLemore (The Fifth Dimension) 1939
• David Williams 1946
• Lol Creme 1947
• Jeff MacNelly 1947
• John Ritter 1948
• Fee Waybill (Tubes) 1950
• Cassandra "Elvira" Peterson 1951
• Rita Rudner 1956
• Kyle Chandler 1965
• Douglas E. Davis 1966 (Doug E. Fresh)
• Malik Yoba 1967
• Keith Flint (Prodigy) 1969
• Vinnie (Naughty By Nature) 1970
• Marcus Sanders (Hi-Five) 1973
• Jimmie Johnson (Jimmie Kenneth Johnson) 1975 - Nascar driver