Loss Vegas joke

A guy comes home and finds his wife sitting on the front porch with her bags. He asks her where she's going and she says "Las Vegas. I hear I can make $400 there for doing what I do with you for free." 

He tells her to hold on, runs inside and a couple minutes later returns with his bags. "Where are you going?" She asks him. 

"Las Vegas," he replies "I've got to see how you're going to live on $800 a year!"

Bad cop, bad cop

A policeman pulled over a car, walked up to the driver's window, and asked the man if he knew why he was pulled over.

"No," the man replied.

"You failed to stop at the stop sign," the cop explained.

"But I did slow down!" the guy argued. The cop shook his head. "You are required to stop. That's why they're called stop signs."The man started to get belligerent. "Stop, slow down -- what's the difference?"

The cop pulled out his baton. "I can show you. I'm going to start hitting you with my baton. You tell me if you want me to stop or slow down.

The Talking Dog (2026)

 

A guy is driving around the back woods of Tennessee and he sees a sign in front of a broken down shanty-style house: "Talking Dog For Sale." He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard.

The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador retriever sitting there.

"You talk?" he asks.

"Yep," the Lab replies.

After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says "So, what's your story?"

The Lab looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA. In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running."

"But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in."

"I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals. I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired."

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.

"Ten dollars," the guy says.

"Ten dollars? This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?"

"Because he's a liar. He never did any of that shit."

Sunday, July 19, 2026

gloze \ glohz \ , verb; 

1. to explain away; extenuate; gloss over (usually followed by over ). 
2. Archaic . to make glosses; comment. 

noun: 

1. Archaic . flattery or deceit. 
2. Obsolete . a specious show.

Origin: Gloze came to English in the 1200s and finds its roots in the Medieval Latin glossāre . 

baxolicious

• The superlative of donovanesque.

As donovanesque as Bateman's ex-girlfriend is, she cannot hold a candle to the baxolicious Stacey.

History

• Franco-Prussian War: began after Bismarck provoked France; it ended in Germany's unification and the deposition of Napoleon III (1870)
• Holbrook, Arizona: a meteorite weighing nearly 200 kg exploded over Earth, showering the Navajo County town with debris (1912)
• V for Victory: British PM Winston Churchill launched WWII campaign (1941)
• "Don't ask; don't tell": policy on gays in the US military was announced by president Bill Clinton (1993)

Birthdays

• Samuel Colt 1814
• Edgar Degas 1834
• Lizzie Borden 1860
• Charles Horace Mayo 1865
• Percy Lebaron Spencer 1894
• A.J. Cronin 1896
• Charles Teagarden 1913
• Rosalyn Yalow 1921
• George McGovern 1922
• Pat Hingle 1924
• Sue Thompson 1926
• Helen Gallagher 1926
• Buster Benton 1932
• Philip Agee 1935
• George Hamilton IV 1937
• Richard Jordan 1938
• Vikki Carr 1941
• Natalya Bessmertnova 1941
• Dennis Cole 1943
• George Dzundza 1945
• Alan Gorrie (Average White Band) 1946
• Brian Harold May (Queen) 1947
• Bernie Leadon (The Eagles) 1947
• Beverly Archer 1948
• Keith Godchaux (Grateful Dead) 1948
• Allen Collins (Lynyrd Skynyrd) 1952
• Peter Barton 1956
• Danny Chauncey (.38 Special) 1956
• Kevin Haskins (Love and Rockets) 1960
• Campbell Scott 1962
• Anthony Edwards 1962
• Kelly Shiver (Thrasher Shiver) 1963
• Clea Lewis 1965
• Jared Padalecki 1982 - Actor ("Supernatural")

  

 

  

How to hack the electronic road signs

Saturday, July 18, 2026

gnomist \ NOH-mist \ , noun; 

• a writer of aphorisms. 

Origin: The term gnomist entered English in the late 1800s. It finds its roots in the Greek gnṓmē meaning "thought, opinion, intelligence."

Fuckit List

• A list of people, male or female, you want to have sexual intercourse with before you die.

G-Mo: Bob has an awesome Fuckit List:

1. Gal Gadot

2. Megan Fox

3. Kate Beckinsale

4. Olga Kurlyenko

5. Margot Robbie

History

• Great Fire of Rome: a conflagration that destroyed Rome began; Nero (who probably didn't really fiddle while Rome burned) blamed it on Christians and began the first Roman persecutions of them (65)
• secret ballot: new voting method was introduced in Britain (1872)
• Spanish Civil War: General Francisco Franco led an uprising in Spanish North Africa, beginning a war that lasted for three years; at the war's end, Franco became dictator of Spain until his death in 1975 (1936)
• FDR: the 32nd POTUS was nominated for an unprecedented third term in office (1940) 
  Senator Edward "Ted" Kennedy (a married man) killed Mary Jo Kopechne after leaving a party with her at 11:15 PM. After submerging his car, he escaped, leaving her in it at Chappaquiddick after a night of drinking. She was alive for at least two hours in the submerged car. He didn't report the accident and didn't surrender to the police until the car and her body were already discovered. He ended up getting away with vehicular homicide (1969)
• Nadia Comaneci: 14-year-old Romanian earned the first perfect 10 in Olympics gymnastics (1976)

  

Birthdays

• Gilbert White 1720
• William Makepeace Thackeray 1811
  
• Vidkum Quisling 1887
• Chill Willis 1903
• S.I. Hayakawa 1906
• Clifford Odetts 1906
• Lou Busch 1910
• Hume Cronyn 1911
• Harriet Nelson 1912
• Marvin Miller 1913
• Richard "Red" Skelton 1913
• Nelson Mandela 1918 - President of South Africa
  
• John Glenn 1921 - Astronaut
• Dick Button 1929
• Screamin' Jay Hawkins 1929
• 'Papa Dee' Allen (War) 1931
• Tenley Albright 1935
• Hunter S. Thompson 1937
• Brian Auger (Mahavishnu Players) 1939
• Dion DiMucci (Dion and the Belmonts) 1939
• James Brolin 1940
• Lonnie Mack (Memphis) 1941
• Martha Reeves (Martha and the Vandellas) 1941
• Robin McDonald (Billy J. Kramer & The Dakotas) 1943
• Kurt Mann 1947
• Glenn Hughes 1950
• Ricky Skaggs 1954 - Singer
• Terry Chambers (XTC) 1955
• Nigel Twist (The Alarm) 1958
• Audrey Landers 1959
• Elizabeth McGovern 1961
• Jack Irons (Pearl Jam) 1962
• John Herman (Widespread Panic) 1962
• Vin Diesel 1967 - Actor
• Tony Fagenson (Eve 6) 1978
• Jason Weaver 1979
• Kristen Bell 1980
  

  

 

  

  

 

  

Happy Berfday FR!!!

Today my little Blue Ford turns TWENTY-ONE years old. The car is clocking in at around 179,000 miles and still runs like a champ.

HAPPY BERFDAY,

LITTLE BLUE CAR!!!

Friday, July 17, 2026

***717***

braggart \ BRAG-ert \ , noun;

• a person who does a lot of bragging. 

adjective:

• bragging; boastful. 

Origin: Braggart entered English in the 1500s. It finds its roots in the French term braguer meaning "to brag."

Bachelor Wash 

• A quick soap-free rinse of a plate, cup, or utensil which had recently been used. This is most useful for low-oil, water based, or dry foods. Wiping with a paper towel will usually remove residual food particles missed by the bachelor wash.

1. Since we were out of coffee cups, I bachelor washed the ones from breakfast and filled them up.

2. After a quick bachelor wash, the drinking glass went back in the cupboard.

3. I didn't want my date to think I was a pig, so I bachelor washed the dishes and tossed them in the cupboard.

History

• Spanish-American War: ended when Spanish troops surrendered to US in Santiago, Cuba (1898)
• House of Windsor: in the wake of anti-German sentiment, British royal family changed its name from Saxe-Coburg Gotha (1917)
• Potsdam Conference: world leaders Truman, Stalin and Churchill begin the final Allied summit of WWII (1945)
• Apollo-Soyuz Test Project: for the first time, an Apollo spaceship docked with a Soyuz spacecraft in orbit; it marked the warming US-USSR relationship (1975)
• Woolworths: the last of the company's five-and-dime stores closed; over 9,000 employees went jobless (1997)

Birthdays

• John Astor 1762
• Luis Munoz-Rivera 1859

  
  
• Erle Stanley Gardner 1889
• Berenice Abbott 1898
• James Cagney 1899
• Christina E. Stead 1902
• William Gargan 1905
• Art Linkletter 1912
• Eleanor Steber 1916
• Lou Boudreau 1917
• Phyllis Diller 1917 - Comedian
• Gordon Gould 1920
• Niccolo Castiglioni 1932
• Mimi Hines 1933
• Pat McCormick 1934
• Donald Sutherland 1934 - Actor
• Diahann Carroll 1935 - Actress, singer
• Peter Schickele 1935 - Musician (P. D. Q. Bach)
• Spencer Davis 1939 - Musician, singer (Spencer Davis Group)
• Connie Hawkins 1942 - Basketball player
• Camilla 1947 - Duchess of Cornwall, wife of Britain's Prince Charles
• Cathy Ferguson 1948
• Mick Tucker 1949 - Musician (Sweet)
• Terence 'Geezer' Butler 1949 - Musician (Black Sabbath)
• Mike Vale 1949 - Musician (Tommy James and the Shondells)
• Lucie Arnaz 1951 - Actress
• Phoebe Snow 1952 - Singer

  
• David Hasselhoff 1952 Actor ("Knight Rider," "Baywatch"), singer, actor, living legend 
• Angela Merkel 1954 - German Chancellor
• Bryan Trottier 1956 - Hockey player
• Nancy Giles 1960
• Regina Belle 1963
• Alex Winter 1965
• Guru (Keith Elam) 1966 - Rapper (Gang Starr)
• Stockley (David "Stokley" Williams) 1967 - Singer (Mint Condition)
• JC (Jarret Cordes, J.C. the Eternal) 1971 - (PM Dawn)
• Kitten Jones 1982