Showing posts with label Humor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Humor. Show all posts

Sunday, September 27, 2026

Feel like a woman

 From my email:

As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."
She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"
A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".

 

Saturday, September 26, 2026

Shrink vs Bartender

From my email:

Ever since I was a child, I've always had a fear of someone under my bed at night.

So I went to a shrink and told him, "I've got problems. Every time I go to bed I think there's somebody under it. I'm scared and I think I'm going crazy.”

"Just put yourself in my hands for one year," said the shrink. "

Come in and talk to me three times a week and we should be able to get rid of those fears."

“How much do you charge?”

"Eighty dollars per visit", replied the doctor.

"I'll sleep on it", I said.

Six months later the doctor met me on the street. "Why didn't you come to see me about those fears you were having?" he asked.

"Well, eighty bucks a visit, three times a week for a year is $12,480.00. A bartender cured me for $10.00. I was so happy to have saved all that money that I went and bought me a new pickup truck."

"Is that so?" With a bit of an attitude, he said, "and how, may I ask, did a bartender cure you?”

"He told me to cut the legs off the bed. Ain't nobody under there now!”

FORGET THE SHRINKS, HAVE A DRINK AND TALK TO A BARTENDER! ITS ALWAYS BETTER TO GET A SECOND OPINION!
  
 
  

Saturday, September 19, 2026

Summer's over next week


Beware of Pirates

Thursday, September 17, 2026

Thursday, September 17, 2026

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Wednesday, September 16, 2026

Wednesday, September 16, 2020

klatsch \ klahch, klach \ , noun;
  • a casual gathering of people, especially for refreshments and informal conversation: a sewing klatsch.
Origin: Klatsch comes from the German word of the same spelling meaning "gossip." It entered English in the 1950s.
   
Enragement ring
  • A piece of jewelry, typically a ring, that is purchased for a girlfriend in an effort to make her happy after you have made her angry.
A: Wow, your girlfriend is pretty pissed that you were out all night and didn't call her. What are you going to do?
B: Yeah, you're right, she's pretty mad. I might have to buy her an 'enragement ring' to smooth things over.

History 
  • Boston: was founded by Puritan settlers (1630)
  • General Motors: the world's largest automobile maker was founded by William C. Durant in Flint, Michigan (1908)
  • Wall Street bombing: explosives detonated in a horse-drawn wagon killed 38 people in New York City's financial district; the perpetrators were never definitively identified but the FBI suspected Italian anarchists (1920)
  • Vietnam War: President Gerald Ford announced conditional amnesty for draft dodgers and deserters (1974)
  • Arnold Schwarzenegger: actor-turned-California-governor became a US citizen (1983)
  • Montreal Protocol: treaty that aims to protect the ozone layer was signed (1987)
Birthdays
  • Louis XIV (France) 1638
  • Francis Parkman 1823
  • J.C. Penney 1875
  • George Whitney Calhoun 1890
  • Buster Mills 1908
  • Allen Funt 1914
  • Arleen Whelan 1916
  • Marvin Middlemark 1919
  • Janis Paige 1923
  • Lauren Bacall 1924
  • B.B. King 1925
  • Charlie Byrd 1925
  • Morgan Woodward 1925
  • John Knowles 1926
  • Peter Falk 1927
  • Jack Kelley 1927
  • Anne Francis 1930
  • George Chakiris 1933
  • Elgin Baylor 1934
  • Bernie Calvert (The Hollies) 1942
  • Linda Henning 1944
  • Betty Kelly (Martha and the Vandellas) 1944
  • Susan Ruttan 1948
  • Kenney Jones 1948 - Musician (Faces, The Who)
  • Ed Begley, Jr. 1949
  • David Bellamy (The Bellamy Brothers) 1950
  • Ron Blair 1952
  • Earl Klugh 1953
  • Colin Newman 1954
  • Robin Yount 1955
  • Mickey Rourke 1956
  • David Copperfield 1956

  • Peter Zaremba (Fleshtones) 1956
  • Terry McBride 1958
  • Orel Hershiser 1958
  • Rodney Franklin 1958
  • Jane Brook 1962
  • Richard Marx 1963
  • Molly Shannon 1964
  • Marc Anthony 1968
  • Amy Poehler 1971
  • Madeline Zima 1985
  • Lorena B. Garcia 1986
  • Jordana Lajoie 1988 (The Boys)

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Tuesday, September 15, 2026

Tuesday, September, 15, 2026

camelopard \ kuh-MEL-uh-pahrd \ , noun; 
  • Archaic . a giraffe. 
Origin: Camelopard is a portmanteau of the words camel and pard , an archaic term for a leopard or panther. It entered English in the late 1300s.

conspicuous consumer
  • someone who purchases at locations for an underlying purpose of being seen. Buying the label not the look. Someone who walks around with a Starbucks cup; Someone wearing a shirt with a very obvious logo (i.e.: ENYCE)
Mark is such a conspicuous consumer, look at his shirt.

History
  • Central America: Guatemala, Honduras, El Salvador, Nicaragua and Costa Rica declared their independence of Spain (1821)
  • Galápagos Islands: were reached by naturalist Charles Darwin aboard the HMS Beagle (1835)
  • Nuremberg Laws: deprived Jews of their citizenship and made the swastika the official emblem of Nazi Germany (1935)
  • civil rights: a bomb killed four black girls when it exploded during Sunday services in a Birmingham, Alabama, church, sparking race riots (1963)
  • USA Today: Gannett's national newspaper hit the stands; it's America's top-selling daily newspaper in print (1982)
  • Lehman Brothers: the investment bank filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection — the largest bankruptcy in US history (2008)
Birthdays
  • James Fenimore Cooper 1789
  • William H. Taft (U.S.) 1857
  • Robert Benchley 1889
  • Agatha Christie 1890
  • Jean Renoir 1894
  • Roy Acuff 1903
  • Fay Wray 1907
  • Penny Singleton 1908
  • Margaret Lockwood 1916
  • Snooky Pryor 1921
  • Jackie Cooper 1922
  • Bobby Short 1926
  • Norm Crosby 1927
  • Cannonball Adderly 1928
  • Gaylord Perry 1938
  • Merlin Olsen 1940
  • Jimmy Gilmer (Jimmy Gilmer and the Fireballs) 1940
  • Les Braid (The Swinging Blue Jeans) 1941
  • Carmen Maura 1945
  • Jessye Norman 1945
  • Lee Dorman (Iron Butterfly) 1945
  • Oliver Stone 1946
  • Tommy Lee Jones 1946

  • Mitch Dorge (Crash Test Dummies) 1960
  • Dan Marino (NFL) 1961
  • Danny Nucci 1968
  • Kay Gee (Naughty by Nature) 1969
  • Josh Charles 1971
  • Tom Hardy 1977 (Bane from The Dark Knight)
  • Amy Davidson 1978
  • Prince Harry of Wales 1984
  • Jenna "Marbles" Mourey 1986 - blogger, model, comedian, go-go dancer
  • Heidi Montag 1986 - nit-wit
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