Review Tuesday: the HATCHET series

 

HATCHET

2006

When her father and brother go missing in the swamp, Marybeth takes an illegal swamp tour to find them. 

One night Mrs Baxojayz selected this movie for date-night horror viewing. It's a horror franchise with four parts. How bad can it be? Famous last words...

 

Written and directed by Adam Green, his intention was to bring back the slasher movie genre. "The Hatchet Army will save Horror." I suppose that's what he did. He put together an impressive cast of mostly names known for other franchises and a decent budget and created a somewhat polished slasher film. If there really is such a thing, that is. I'll get to that in a moment. 

In this first film Marybeth (played by Amara Zaragoza) is taking a night-time New Orleans swamp tour. It's supposed to be illegal to go into this particualar swamp because it's condemned and dangerous but this tour runs off the books and it's the cheapest way for our heroine to make an attempt to find her father and brother, gator hunters who went missing. Of course things go wrong and the tour is forced off their boat, and onto land that is the realm of the urban legend VICTOR CROWLEY 9played by Kane Hodder). 

 

The legend: Victor Crowley was born disfigured. His father kept him hidden to avoid negative interactions with local children. One night three local boys lit off firecracker outside the house while the father was away to try to scare the disfigured child out. Instead the house caught fire and the three ran off. The father used a double sided hatchet (a tool I have never seen before in my life) to try to free his son from the burning house. Only, his son was one the other side of the door and was accidentally killed.

 

But it turns out it's not a legend at all, and it all too real!

 

That's when your maniac slasher film kicks in. 

 

This movie comprises all the various elements of your classic slasher horror movie. You have comic reliefs, sexy girls / nudity, depravity, extreme violence and cartoonish gore. The monster looks like a cross between the Toxic Avenger and The Elephant Man. The big difference would be his odd collection of tools of the slasher trade. We have seen axes and chainsaws plenty of times, but what's with this guy and his gas-powered belt sander that they keep calling a grinder? 

 

But I digress... This movie is your classic blood 'n guts slasher horror franchise. What might make it more interesting is the way it's chocked full of people who have worked in other horror flicks, so expect to see several Jasons, Michaels, Freddy and even Candyman. It wasn't considered for an Academy Award, but for what it is, it's fairly polished... just with a spattering of blood and guts!  

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HATCHET 2

2010

After the events of the first movie, Marybeth heads back to the swamp with a small army of local hunters organized by Reverend Zombie to kill Victor Crowley.

As the sole survivor of the massacre, Marybeth, now played by Danielle Harris, returns to Reverend Zombie's (played by Tony Todd / Candyman) shop to let him know about what happened. More concerned about getting his boat back and potential future revenues, Zombie assembles a plan to help Marybeth recover the bodies of her father and brother, while ridding the swamp of the Victor Crowley menace. He assembles a small army of local hunters and they head back into the swamp the very next evening after the previous massacre. 

 

The hidden plan: Zombie believes that Crowley is some sort of a revenge demon and allowing him his revenge would make him go away. Marybeth's father, uncle and one other local were the three boys responsible for the fire. Since Crowley already killed Samson, two more deaths and teh swamp would be freed! Only, Marybeth's had been dead for years. As you would imagine, Crowley goes through the entire bunch of them and is finally taken down by Marybeth, who, once again, is the sole survivor. 

 

This was also fun for the same reasons. Ridiculous gore, yet surprisingly refined for a low budget horror movie. Also, plenty of horror film alum to look out for! One problem I had with it was the sound. It would go from whispers to loud noises over and over, so we spent the entire time adjusting the volume. 

 

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HATCHET 3

2013

After the events of the previous movie, Police and SWAT teams head into the swamp to investigate the situation.

Hatchet 2 and with and Hatchet 3 started with Marybeth, still played by Danielle Harris, destroying and scattering the remains of Victor Crowley. She walked back to NOLA and walked into a Police station covered in blood, holding a shotgun in one hand and a part of Crowley's head in the other. She's immediately arrested and the cops arrange an investigation based on the story she provided them. When dozens of butchered remains started showing up teams of cops and paramedics were dispatched to the scene to collect evidence. Even a SWAT team showed up for good measure. Unfortunately, the paramedic teams had bagged Crowley's remains earlier in the day. Once the sun fell, he was able to reassemble himself and started killing again. 

Addition to the legend: Crowley's father had a wife. She was dying from cancer. He hired a nurse to help with her care. The nurse and the father ended up having an affair, and pledged their love to each other the same moment the wife had died. She arose from the dead and put a curse on them. Months later when the nurse gave birth, the curse first showed itself with a terribly disfigured child being born. The nurse died in childbirth. The father kept the child hidden to protect him from others as well as the curse. The child was heavily dependent upon his father and on that fateful night of the fire, he was searching for his father when he was killed. He comes back to life each night to relive that moment, and looks for his father.  

  

So, reunite Victor with his father and the curse would be broken! Luckily, Amanda, a journalist played by Caroline Williams, knew about the curse, gathered Marybeth from jail, gathers the ashes of Crowley's father and headed out to the swamp to try to end this before everyone gets killed. It didn't end very well. It seemed as thought Marybeth died while finishing off Crowley and his curse, leaving only Andrew Yong, a paramedic, the sole survivor of this bloodbath. 

 

To us, this seemed surprisingly well made and was bordering on action film territory. Again, this was another cast of horror film veterans! 

 

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VICTOR CROWLEY

2017

Ten years after the events of Hatchet 3, Andrew Yong reluctantly returns to the swamp at the same time a team of amateur film makers accidentally resurrect Victor Crowley.

Ten years have elapsed since the events of HATCHET 3. As the sole survivor of the massacre, Andrew Yong (Parry Shen. He was in all four movies, while playing three different guys!) was tried for all those murders at the swamps even though he was helping bag and tag a bunch of them just before the end of Crowley. He was found not guilty and exonerated of all charges. Trying to get his life back together again, he wrote a book about the experience. Of course, he's getting tons of blowback since they were never able to find nor try anyone for the crimes. While trying to muster up interest for book sales he tries the interview circuit, but his only stipulation is that he would never, under any circumstances, return to the swamp. 

 

Until his agent said he was offered $1 million for an interview in the swamp. He agreed and hopped a private jet with a crew to head over. 

 

Of course, the plane crashed along the way. 

 

Of course a crew of amateur film-makers are in the swamp making a mock-trailer for their own Victor Crowley and accidentally and unwittingly unleash the curse again. 

 

Of course Victor Crowley renews his killing spree. 

 

As you can imagine, this is, pretty much, more of the same. Cartoonish violence and gore with blood sprayers and all that. In many ways, this fourth installment was one of my favorites. It had a lot more humor to it. The monster was better made. The acting was fun. There were some unexpected familiar faces in this one. For me, it clicked all the boxes.  

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In the end, these were not Oscar Nominated films. They were all crude, old fashioned blood 'n guts horror. If that's something you like to watch, this should be worth your while to view. Couple that with the impressive cast, the location on NOLA, and the surprising polish of the finished product and you should be content. But if you start watching these and get through all of the fourth, be SURE to watch the end credits. Midway through is a teaser that suggests there can be a fifth movie at some point.