Memo from human resources

Dear Employees:

It has been brought to management's attention that some individuals throughout the company have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their coworkers. Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily offended, this type of language will be no longer be tolerated. We do however, realize the critical importance of being able to accurately express your feelings when communicating with coworkers. Therefore, a list of "TRY SAYING" new phrases has been provided so that proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner without risk of offending our more sensitive employees

TRY SAYING: Perhaps I can work late. INSTEAD OF: And when the f*** do you expect me to do this?
TRY SAYING: I'm certain that isn't feasible. INSTEAD OF: No f****** way.
TRY SAYING: Really? INSTEAD OF: You've got to be sh****** me!
TRY SAYING: Perhaps you should check with... INSTEAD OF: Tell someone who gives a s***.
TRY SAYING: I wasn't involved in the project. INSTEAD OF: It's not my f****** problem.
TRY SAYING: That's interesting. INSTEAD OF: What the f***?
TRY SAYING: I'm not sure this can be implemented. INSTEAD OF: This s*** won't work.
TRY SAYING: I'll try to schedule that. INSTEAD OF: Why the hell didn't you tell me sooner?
TRY SAYING: He's not familiar with the issues. INSTEAD OF: He's got his head up his ass.
TRY SAYING: Excuse me, sir? INSTEAD OF: Eat sh*t and die.
TRY SAYING: So you weren't happy with it? INSTEAD OF: Kiss my ass.
TRY SAYING: I'm a bit overloaded at the moment. INSTEAD OF: F*** it, I'm on salary.
TRY SAYING: I don't think you understand. INSTEAD OF: Shove it up your ass.
TRY SAYING: I love a challenge. INSTEAD OF: This job sucks.
TRY SAYING: You want me to take care of that? INSTEAD OF: Who the hell died and made you boss?
TRY SAYING: I see. INSTEAD OF: Blow me.
TRY SAYING: I think you could use more training. INSTEAD OF: You don't know what the f*** you're doing.

Thank You,
Human Resources