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Provided by the compucert Since I got the new car I've been driving it to my mother's house and taking public transportation from there. Believe me, it's a lot more pleasant than taking public trans from my house.
So I've been running into some of my old neighbors at the bus stop and train. One is my friend's cousin on the next block, and is the girl in the alleyway. I remember my friend's cousin since I was much younger and she's always been about the same. Age hasn't really changed her at all. But the girl in the alley, I remember her as a 10 year old child when her family moved in. Pretty much I watched her grow from a quiet and responsible child into a quiet, responsible and serious adult. Did I mention that she turned out to be very lovely too? She's tall and thin with long straight dark hair, intensely dark eyes. She has a "healthy" skin tone and chiseled features.
So we've bumped into each other a bunch of times on the train and bus and have spoken on numerous topics. I always feel uncomfortable talking to her. I keep thinking about the girl who's ten years younger than I, but I forget that ten years my junior is about 24!
So what does a self-esteem machine like t3h Bax0jayz do in an awkward situation? Nothing. I make it more awkward by having conversations without eye contact, standing/sitting probably a bit too far for the intimate conversations we have, and I KNOW that my body language reflects an uneasiness, a fear of even being close even on the train or bus.
One day we even happened to be on the bus home and spoke. I was telling her about the love of my life, my new Ford Focus. It was on her way so I showed her that car and said, "See ya!" and sent her on her way. I think she was expecting a little ride after all my talk up, but I felt extra creepy at that moment. She lives next door. Drive her where? I just couldn't do it.
It's not an attraction thing. I love being in the presence of beautiful people. I have no problem being close to people. I enjoy the closeness and intimacy of friendship. However, this girl makes me feel like a pedophile. I knew her as a child and I feel strange being around her as a friend or a peer. Likely it's because she grew up to be beautiful and charming young woman. I think the woman part is the hurdle I can't get past.
So I've been running into some of my old neighbors at the bus stop and train. One is my friend's cousin on the next block, and is the girl in the alleyway. I remember my friend's cousin since I was much younger and she's always been about the same. Age hasn't really changed her at all. But the girl in the alley, I remember her as a 10 year old child when her family moved in. Pretty much I watched her grow from a quiet and responsible child into a quiet, responsible and serious adult. Did I mention that she turned out to be very lovely too? She's tall and thin with long straight dark hair, intensely dark eyes. She has a "healthy" skin tone and chiseled features.
So we've bumped into each other a bunch of times on the train and bus and have spoken on numerous topics. I always feel uncomfortable talking to her. I keep thinking about the girl who's ten years younger than I, but I forget that ten years my junior is about 24!
So what does a self-esteem machine like t3h Bax0jayz do in an awkward situation? Nothing. I make it more awkward by having conversations without eye contact, standing/sitting probably a bit too far for the intimate conversations we have, and I KNOW that my body language reflects an uneasiness, a fear of even being close even on the train or bus.
One day we even happened to be on the bus home and spoke. I was telling her about the love of my life, my new Ford Focus. It was on her way so I showed her that car and said, "See ya!" and sent her on her way. I think she was expecting a little ride after all my talk up, but I felt extra creepy at that moment. She lives next door. Drive her where? I just couldn't do it.
It's not an attraction thing. I love being in the presence of beautiful people. I have no problem being close to people. I enjoy the closeness and intimacy of friendship. However, this girl makes me feel like a pedophile. I knew her as a child and I feel strange being around her as a friend or a peer. Likely it's because she grew up to be beautiful and charming young woman. I think the woman part is the hurdle I can't get past.
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