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Provided by the compucert I know some of you out there how did someone like Mark come into my life. It's not a very involved story. It's a story of caring and friendship...
I first met Mark when his brother Jonathan had his Bar Mitzvah. My first impression was that Mark was an odd heavy metal kid with a strange voice. For years after that I maintained that his voice was just put on, because it certainly wasn't a human sound. But that's the growth cycle. He grew into the thickening vocal cords and it just fit.
I've detailed some of Mark's exploits in previous blog entries, but there is one vital story that I never shared. When we became "bro's."
Mark was having girl problems in college. One girl was driving him nuts. She was changeful, and abrupt. As is common for any guy, he was confused and needed some advice. He spoke to my brother, who wasn't in the "best place" back then, who had nothing constructive to offer.
A terribly confused and distraught Mark went home that night and attempted suicide.
I was so saddened by that news. It wrecked me to know that this poor guy was hurting so bad over this that he would even try something so desperate. Mark later on admitted that it was more a cry for help than anything else. So I decided to answer the call.
To me, Mark seemed to be a good person at heart, but was too easily distracted by bad behavior. But I did what I could to try to offer good advice and options for other things to do and try. For instance, he was the type that if he had free time he'd pick up a telephone and start prank calling. That was before the days of caller id, but caller id never stopped him...
Getting back on track, Mark and I were really good friends for over 10 years. I tried to help him out when he had problems with his studies. I tried to divert his attention when he'd obsess on some girl. I built computers for him, and when he'd download viruses I'd fix his system over and over again. When I saw he had "questionable material" on his HDD, I deleted it. People go to jail for that, so I wanted to keep him out of trouble.
When girls broke his heart, I tried to cheer him up. When school was rough, I tried to help. When work was crappy, I offered the bright side.
I was a very good friend to this guy. He'd call me up and I'd listen to his problems. Listen intently. And would follow up. And would suggest what issues weren't worth his time.
Some of his girlfriends noticed that we had a bond like brothers usually have. And when asked about this dynamic, Mark answered on more than one occasion, "Bob is such a good guy that if we were gay I'd hope he'd be my lover." Umm. Odd analogy, certainly not one I'd choose. I was thinking more along the lines, the helpful big brother that Jonathan could've been, but never was. But to each their own...
Then came the big car accident.
Some girl tried to sneak through the intersection as the light changed and broadsided Mark. His car rolled over. He was in and out of consciousness. He ended up in the hospital and on special meds for some very serious injuries.
He got out of the hospital only to be greeted by a call from a lawyer. The girl who nearly killed him was planning on filing a lawsuit against him. He was in a panic. I offered the best advice I could, "call one of those shark lawyers on daytime television commercials, they'll stand up for you." And he did that. And the girl and her lawyer both vanished into thin air. No address. No Insurance. Nothing. Mark was relieved.
But as time went on things happened and the doctors loaded him on all sorts of meds. He hated it. I was outraged for him. His friends were acting like jerks. I suggested that he distance himself from them. He told me about how he hated work. I suggested finding something else. He spoke. I listened. I followed up. I supported him.
Then came the call. I'm not sure when it was exactly, probably late 2001 or early 2002. Mark called up and was belligerent right off the bat. I thought he was kidding, you know, guy talk. But he hammered on and on. All sorts of names and rudenesses and valgarities being used. Quickly I figured out that he wasn't joking. He was fuming over something. I kept asking him what brought this on, but he kept up the crude and vicious comments. And as he kept pounding away at m,telling me what a terrible person I was, and that he's having the time of his life, that he's glad my father was dead, and why couldn't I be dead, and my wife is a skank, and I'm a pathetic loser, blah blah blah ad nauseum, I kept asking, "why are you doing this?" to which he'd usually answer, "cuz your an assh0le," or similar.
To this day any time he contacts me it's always something like: Bob is a pathetic loser and Mark is having the time of his life.
???
What's that supposed to mean?
Mark insists that I always "belittled" him. I've never figured out how. I was patient. I listened. I was there for him EVERY TIME he needed a friend. Was it, perhaps, belittling that when he complained about abusive friends that I said, "Why spend time with her?" When complaining about work I'd offer, "find another job." Yes. Belittling. When complaining about life, suggesting to DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT must've been terribly belittling.
All I know is that I was somehow belittling and have never been offered any more details beyond that.
However, I do know that he went too far after that day. Harassing emails. Harassing calls all times of the day and night. Threats. And now I can never forgive his poor bahavior. He wouldn't be reasonable. Wouldn't own up to his deeds. Wouldn't be a man.
I know you'll be reading this, Mark. I loved you like a brother. Whatever set you off, and on this downward spiral, it's terrible. As much as you apparently hate me, as obsessed as you are that you would even invade friend's emails prank call my office, and make threats, I still have high hopes for you. I hope you'll find happiness, and health, and wealth. I hope you end up the greatest mensch your family has ever known. I hope you find your path, your goal, your motivation, and I hope it propels you to great things.
But never contact me again. You wrecked a friendship, a brotherhood of more than ten years with one call, and the actions that followed. I miss you. I never want to see or know anything about you ever again. I think I'm being kinder than you were on this.
Leave me alone.
Good bye.
I first met Mark when his brother Jonathan had his Bar Mitzvah. My first impression was that Mark was an odd heavy metal kid with a strange voice. For years after that I maintained that his voice was just put on, because it certainly wasn't a human sound. But that's the growth cycle. He grew into the thickening vocal cords and it just fit.
I've detailed some of Mark's exploits in previous blog entries, but there is one vital story that I never shared. When we became "bro's."
Mark was having girl problems in college. One girl was driving him nuts. She was changeful, and abrupt. As is common for any guy, he was confused and needed some advice. He spoke to my brother, who wasn't in the "best place" back then, who had nothing constructive to offer.
A terribly confused and distraught Mark went home that night and attempted suicide.
I was so saddened by that news. It wrecked me to know that this poor guy was hurting so bad over this that he would even try something so desperate. Mark later on admitted that it was more a cry for help than anything else. So I decided to answer the call.
To me, Mark seemed to be a good person at heart, but was too easily distracted by bad behavior. But I did what I could to try to offer good advice and options for other things to do and try. For instance, he was the type that if he had free time he'd pick up a telephone and start prank calling. That was before the days of caller id, but caller id never stopped him...
Getting back on track, Mark and I were really good friends for over 10 years. I tried to help him out when he had problems with his studies. I tried to divert his attention when he'd obsess on some girl. I built computers for him, and when he'd download viruses I'd fix his system over and over again. When I saw he had "questionable material" on his HDD, I deleted it. People go to jail for that, so I wanted to keep him out of trouble.
When girls broke his heart, I tried to cheer him up. When school was rough, I tried to help. When work was crappy, I offered the bright side.
I was a very good friend to this guy. He'd call me up and I'd listen to his problems. Listen intently. And would follow up. And would suggest what issues weren't worth his time.
Some of his girlfriends noticed that we had a bond like brothers usually have. And when asked about this dynamic, Mark answered on more than one occasion, "Bob is such a good guy that if we were gay I'd hope he'd be my lover." Umm. Odd analogy, certainly not one I'd choose. I was thinking more along the lines, the helpful big brother that Jonathan could've been, but never was. But to each their own...
Then came the big car accident.
Some girl tried to sneak through the intersection as the light changed and broadsided Mark. His car rolled over. He was in and out of consciousness. He ended up in the hospital and on special meds for some very serious injuries.
He got out of the hospital only to be greeted by a call from a lawyer. The girl who nearly killed him was planning on filing a lawsuit against him. He was in a panic. I offered the best advice I could, "call one of those shark lawyers on daytime television commercials, they'll stand up for you." And he did that. And the girl and her lawyer both vanished into thin air. No address. No Insurance. Nothing. Mark was relieved.
But as time went on things happened and the doctors loaded him on all sorts of meds. He hated it. I was outraged for him. His friends were acting like jerks. I suggested that he distance himself from them. He told me about how he hated work. I suggested finding something else. He spoke. I listened. I followed up. I supported him.
Then came the call. I'm not sure when it was exactly, probably late 2001 or early 2002. Mark called up and was belligerent right off the bat. I thought he was kidding, you know, guy talk. But he hammered on and on. All sorts of names and rudenesses and valgarities being used. Quickly I figured out that he wasn't joking. He was fuming over something. I kept asking him what brought this on, but he kept up the crude and vicious comments. And as he kept pounding away at m,telling me what a terrible person I was, and that he's having the time of his life, that he's glad my father was dead, and why couldn't I be dead, and my wife is a skank, and I'm a pathetic loser, blah blah blah ad nauseum, I kept asking, "why are you doing this?" to which he'd usually answer, "cuz your an assh0le," or similar.
To this day any time he contacts me it's always something like: Bob is a pathetic loser and Mark is having the time of his life.
???
What's that supposed to mean?
Mark insists that I always "belittled" him. I've never figured out how. I was patient. I listened. I was there for him EVERY TIME he needed a friend. Was it, perhaps, belittling that when he complained about abusive friends that I said, "Why spend time with her?" When complaining about work I'd offer, "find another job." Yes. Belittling. When complaining about life, suggesting to DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT must've been terribly belittling.
All I know is that I was somehow belittling and have never been offered any more details beyond that.
However, I do know that he went too far after that day. Harassing emails. Harassing calls all times of the day and night. Threats. And now I can never forgive his poor bahavior. He wouldn't be reasonable. Wouldn't own up to his deeds. Wouldn't be a man.
I know you'll be reading this, Mark. I loved you like a brother. Whatever set you off, and on this downward spiral, it's terrible. As much as you apparently hate me, as obsessed as you are that you would even invade friend's emails prank call my office, and make threats, I still have high hopes for you. I hope you'll find happiness, and health, and wealth. I hope you end up the greatest mensch your family has ever known. I hope you find your path, your goal, your motivation, and I hope it propels you to great things.
But never contact me again. You wrecked a friendship, a brotherhood of more than ten years with one call, and the actions that followed. I miss you. I never want to see or know anything about you ever again. I think I'm being kinder than you were on this.
Leave me alone.
Good bye.
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