Anger Management

From Don:

When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know. I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered, saying "Hello". I politely said, "This is Chris. Could I please speak with Robyn Carter?

Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear Get the right f**ing number and the phone was slammed down on me.

I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude. When I tracked down Robyn's correct number to call her, I found that I had accidentally transposed the last two digits.

After hanging up with her, I decided to call the wrong number again.

When the same guy answered the phone! , I yelled "You're an asshole" and hung up. I wrote his number down with the word asshole next to it and put it in my desk drawer.

Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, "You're an asshole!"

It always cheered me up.

When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my therapeutic asshole calling would have to stop.

So, I called his number and said, "Hi, this is John Smith from Verizon. I'm calling to see if you're familiar with our Caller ID Program? "

He yelled "NO", and slammed down the phone.

I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're an asshole!"

One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot. Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I'd been waiting for that spot, but the idiot ignored me. I noticed a For Sale sign in his back window which included his phone number, so I wrote down the number.

A couple of days later, right after calling the first asshole (I had his number on speed dial) I thought that I'd better call the BMW asshole too. I said, Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?

Yes, it is, he said.

Can you tell me where I can see it I asked.

Yes, I live at 34 Mowbray Blvd, in Vaucluse. It's a yellow house and the car's parked right out in front.

What's your name, I asked.

My name is Don Hansen, he said.

When's a good time to catch you, Don?

I'm home every evening after five.

Listen, Don, can I tell you something?

"Yes?"

"Don, you're an asshole!" Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too.

Now, when I had a problem, I had two assholes to call. Then I came up with an idea. I called Asshole #1.

"Hello".

You're an asshole! (But I didn't hang up.)

"Are you still there", he asked. "Yeah", I said.

"Stop calling me", he screamed.

"Make me", I said.

"Who are you", he asked.

"My name is Don Hansen."

"Yeah? Where do you live?"

"Asshole, I live at 34 Mowbray Blvd, Vaucluse, a yellow house, with my black Beamer parked in front."

He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better start saying your prayers."

I said,"Yeah, like I'm really scared, asshole, and hung up."

Then I called Asshole #2.. Hello, he said.

"Hello, asshole", I said.

He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are".

"You'll what", I said.

"I'll kick your ass", he exclaimed.

I answered,"Well, asshole, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now."

Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 34 Mowbray Blvd, Vaucluse, and that I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover. Then I called Channel 9 News about the gang war going down in Mowbray Blvd, Vaucluse.

I quickly got into my car and headed over to Mowbray. I got there just in time to watch two assholes beating the crap out of each other in front of six cop cars, an overhead police helicopter and a news crew.

NOW I feel much better..

Anger management really works.