Decoding Men and Women

Another from my email:

DICTIONARY FOR DECODING WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS:

40-ish...... ......... ......... .......49.
Adventurous. ......... ......... .Slept with everyone.
Athletic.... ......... ......... ......No breasts.
Average looking.... ......... Moooo.
Beautiful... ......... ......... ......Pathologic al liar.
Emotionally Secure...... ...On Medication.
Feminist.... ......... ......... ....Fat.
Free spirit...... ......... ........Junkie.
Friendship first....... ......... Former slut.
New-Age..... ......... ......... Body hair in the wrong places.
Old-fashioned. ......... .......No BJs.
Open-minded. ......... .......Desperate .
Outgoing.... ......... ......... ..Loud and Embarrassing.
Professional. ......... ......... Bitch.
Voluptuous.. ......... ......... Very Fat.
Large frame....... ......... ...Hugely Fat.
Wants Soul mate........ ...Stalker.

Women's English

1. Yes = No
2. No = Yes
3. Maybe = No
4. We need = I want
5. I am sorry = You'll be sorry
6. We need to talk = You're in trouble
7. Sure, go ahead = You better not
8. Do what you want = You will pay for this later
9. I am not upset = Of course, I am upset, you moron!
10. You're certainly attentive = Is sex all you ever think about?

Men's English

1. I am hungry = I am hungry
2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy
3. I am tired = I am tired
4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
5. I love you = Let's have sex now
6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?
7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you.
8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you.
9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you.
10. Can I take you to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you.
11. I don't think those shoes go with that outfit = I'm gay.