Turtle Thursday Pt 2: The Worst of Craigslist

I found this in the NY Metro today. No joke! It's an ad from Craigslist:

MY TURTLE NEEDS A BOOTY CALL

I have a very special red-eared slider who recently "became a man," as they say. He deserves everything his little heart desires so I'm kind of hoping someone out there has a female turtle that... you know, needs a little something extra. She would be one lucky turtle because my turtle is very cute with huge, sexy claws. And he is also the John Holmes of turtles. That being said, my turtle doesn't need any baby momma drama and since he's pretty young in turtle years, I doubt he's ready to commit to anything exclusive or long-term. So I guess we're talking about casual sex here but I promise that my turtle could give your turtle more respect and pleasure than the average "special friend." If you think that your female turtle may be interested, please contact me. And if you have any pictures, I can show them to my turtle and see his reaction. Thanks!