Quick Jokes

From my wife and Don

An ugly woman walks into a shop with her two kids.

The shopkeeper asks "Are they twins"?

The woman says "No, he's 9 and she's 7.

Why? Do you think they look alike?"

"No", he replies "I just can't believe you got laid twice!

***
A guy at the bar leans over to the bartender and says, hey, ya wanna hear a good Polock joke?

The bartender says, look pal, I'm Polish , the guy over there is Polish, and the bouncer is Polish...
ya still wanna tell your joke?

The guy says, "No I don't wanna have to explain it three times."

***

A guy walks up to a lady pushing a stroller and looks in. He says, "God, lady! Thats the ugliest baby I've ever seen!"

The lady starts to cry and starts hitting the man. A cop sees the scuffle and breaks it up. "Hey, whats going on?" the cop asks.

This man insulted me.

"Lets all calm down ma'am," the cop says, "I'll take this guy downtown, give you a kleenex for your tears and I'll even get a banana for your monkey."