Out of office replies

This was in my box this morning:

If you are bored with your out of office replies, please read these below. They are a hoot.

1. I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Be prepared for my mood.
2. Sorry to have missed you but I am at the doctors having my brain removed so that I may be promoted to management.
3. I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you send me until I return from vacation on 5/18. Please be patient and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.
4. Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first ten words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.
5. I will be out of the office for the next 2 weeks for medical reasons. When I return, please refer to me as 'Loretta' instead of 'Steve'.