Understanding Men

From Lori:

Understanding Men

> All "real men" will answer "C" to all of these questions. In
> understanding this and carefully reviewing the "C" answer, women will
> come far in understanding men and enriching their own lives.
>
>
> 1. Alien beings from a highly advanced society visit the Earth, and
> you
are
> the first human they encounter. As a token of intergalactic
> friendship, they present you with a small but incredibly
> sophisticated device that is capable of curing all disease, providing
> an infinite supply of clean energy, wiping out hunger and poverty,
> and permanently eliminating oppression and violence all over the entire
Earth. You decide to:
>
> A. Present it to the President of the United States.
> B. Present it to the Secretary General of the United Nations.
> C. Take it apart.
>
> 2. As you grow older, what lost quality of your youthful life do you
> miss the most?
>
> A. Innocence.
> B. Idealism.
> C. Cherry bombs.
>
> 3. When is it okay to kiss another male?
>
> A. When you wish to display simple and pure affection without regard
> for narrow-minded social conventions.
> B. When he is the Pope. (But not on the lips.) C. When he is your
> brother and you are Al Pacino and this is the only really
> sportsman-like way to let him know that, for business reasons, you
> have to have him killed.
>
> 4. In your opinion, the ideal pet is:
>
> A. A cat.
> B. A dog.
> C. A dog that eats cats.
>
> 5. You have been seeing a woman for several years. She's attractive
> and intelligent, and you always enjoy being with her. One leisurely
> Sunday afternoon the two of you are taking it easy. You're watching a
> football game; she's reading the newspaper when she suddenly, out of
> the clear
blue
> sky, tells you that she thinks she really loves you, but, she can no
longer
> bear the uncertainty of not knowing where your relationship is going.
> She says she's not asking whether you want to get married; only
> whether you believe that you have some kind of future together. What do
you say?
>
> A. That you sincerely believe the two of you do have a future, but
> you don't want to rush it.
> B. That although you also have strong feelings for her, you can not
> honestly say that you'll be ready anytime soon to make a lasting
> commitment, and you don't want to hurt her by holding out false hope.
> C. That you cannot believe the Broncos called a draw play on third
> and seventeen.
>
> 6. Okay, so you have decided that you truly love a woman and you want
> to spend the rest of your life with her, sharing the joys and the
> sorrows
the
> world has to offer, come what may. How do you tell her?
>
> A. You take her to a nice restaurant and tell her after dinner.
> B. You take her for a walk on a moonlit beach, and you say her name,
> and when she turns to you, with the sea breeze blowing through her
> hair and
the
> stars in her eyes, you tell her.
> C. Tell her what?
>
> 7. One weekday morning your wife wakes up feeling ill and asks you to
> get your three children ready for school. Your first question to her is:
>
> A. "Do they need to eat or anything?"
> B. "They're enrolled in school already ?"
> C. There are three of them, right ?"
>
> 8. When is it okay to throw away a set of veteran underwear?
>
> A. When it has turned the color of a dead whale and developed new
> holes
so
> large that you're not sure which ones were originally intended for
> your legs.
> B. When it is down to eight loosely connected underwear molecules and
> has to be handled with tweezers.
> C. It is never okay to throw away veteran underwear. A real guy
> checks
the
> garbage regularly in case somebody (we are not naming names, but this
would
> be the wife) is quietly trying to discard his underwear (which she is
> frankly jealous of because the guy seems to have a more intimate
> relationship with it than with her).
>
> 9. What, in your opinion, is the most reasonable explanation for the
> fact that Moses led the Israelites all over the place for forty years
> before they finally got to the Promised Land?
>
> A. He was being tested.
> B. He wanted them to really appreciate the Promised Land when they
> finally got there.
> C. He refused to ask for directions.
>
> 10. What is the human race's single greatest achievement?
>
> A. Democracy.
> B. Religion.
> C. Remote control